By Michelle Railey

In Charlevoix, Michigan, on the south pier, stands a decommissioned lighthouse. On a recent June Saturday, we stood there, near it, looking up with breeze in our faces amid the scent of lake and metal.

But then the guy on the bicycle (not pictured) whizzes past, pedaling furiously and screaming: “It used to light up but now it doesn’t! It doesn’t light up anymore! Don’t bother!”

He’s still screaming when he hits the beach and the parking lot.

Well, hell, damn it. Guess there’s no point looking at it anymore. Stupid red, giant, non-lighting behemoth of uselessness. That’s it. The world has gone to hell in a hand-basket and thank God the guy on the bicycle prevented people from looking at a lighthouse without a damned light.

Decommissioned? You can keep your decommissioned. The guy on the bicycle is pissed as all billy-hell and who can blame him? The lighthouse doesn’t light! The sky is falling!

The world has gone mad. Mad, I tell you.

The lighthouse was built in 1948 and was decommissioned in 2005. In 2008, ownership was transferred to the city of Charlevoix, Michigan. And, happily, it was repainted its original red in 2009. Call me a romantic, but I think it’s worth looking at even if the lights don’t work.

There’s always got to be the one guy on a bicycle.