Because health insurance in America is awesome and has become even more awesome under the Trump administration. Ummm, MAGA-KAG. We here at Amos are offering our own insurance plan. Totes legal. Sign up today.
If we were going to offer health insurance, this is the plan we would choose. It’s legal now. Thanks, President Trump.
You shouldn’t buy it but if you want to, please send your money to our PayPal Tip Jar here. (Disclaimer: you will NOT get actual health insurance with this. It’s just a sad attempt to retrieve tips. Like one of those monkeys with a hat and an accordion.)
Transcript of the video:
Are you tired of worrying about your health insurance? Are you tired of rising premiums, government mandates, unaffordable co-pays, and out of pocket expenses?
Are you worried that congressional action will remove mandates interfering with your ability to choose a plan that is both inexpensive and covers nothing–– ever? Are you concerned that your government-controlled healthcare policy will eventually be subject to lifetime caps again?
If you’re healthy, why are you paying too much so sick and old people can have coverage? That is not the American way. We understand you just want your freedom.
If you’re sick, why are you having to pay for your treatment? That’s what insurance is for.
If you’re old, the American government is trying to take away your Medicare. You need a real insurance plan. You’ve paid your dues to society. It’s time you have the freedom to choose a superior insurance plan that fits your needs, not the needs of the young, healthy people. They don’t even have needs.
The American healthcare system is broken. It’s too expensive. Even the Australians have better coverage, according to experts in American government.
It’s time for a new healthcare plan and a new, completely market-oriented insurance company.
That’s why we are proud to present the SBA/HPA Freedom Plus Premium Plan–– Simply the best American healthcare plan for Americans.
One plan. One freedom. One America. One you. One doctor visit. Per year. One monthly fee. One dollar per medical visit. Cancel your policy anytime.
Restrictions and exclusions most definitely apply.
Nine out of ten doctors approve of this ‘plan.’
No deductibles or co-pays. No age or pre-condition up-charges. No lifetime caps. No in and out of networks.
No networks.
No premium increases. No government oversight. No gaps in coverage. [Hell, no coverage.] Cancel your policy at any time. No muss, no fuss, no drama, no ‘bama. No kidding.
This is freedom.
An American plan. An American company. Acme has a long, storied history in the U.S. of A. The Freedom Plus Premium Plan is for Americans by Americans.
How does it work? You pay us. You get sick. We pay you. [1]
Is it affordable? $9.99 per month, every month. Forever. Whether you’re living or dead.
What’s covered? You are.[2]
Restrictions and exclusions may apply. May not be valid in all 50 states. Seriously, this “plan” is useless. Purchase now and you’ll receive three plans for the price of one. You pay only shipping and handling.
(More legal jargon.)
[1] We don’t pay you. It just sounded good.
[2] You’re not.