A Poem by Leonard Pigg III
Your personal ad reeks of desperation
Not by what is said, but what isn’t
You lack the social skills to meet real people
Preferring the impersonality of an ad online
Afraid that who you really are just isn’t enough
That you just might say the wrong thing
Or pretend you’re someone else, a character
You fear the face of rejection
Yet embrace the ghost of the unknown
Kneeling at the altar of your computer
Praying for a “Match” to fall from the sky
Hoping to find the right “Chemistry”
While your Lord and Savior Dr. Neil Clark Warren
Will show you the road to “e Harmony”
Fearing you might be judged by your looks over your personality
Taking pictures of yourself at deceptive angles
You prefer to type words that might sway
Or send them the other way to someone with a picture
Maybe someone who wants something other than friends first
They are more honest than you in that respect
These people acknowledge that they need sex
You should take a picture of yourself when you first wake up
Begin the ad with “This is who you get to wake up to, the real me.”
Tell them how you like your sex and how often
Don’t tell them what you like, but what you dislike
Explain all of your personality defects
Give a disclaimer of what medications you take, all your diseases
Inform your potential suitors of your prejudices
Or better yet, cancel the ad
Shut off the computer, go somewhere public
Live your life like there’s no tomorrow
Talk to a stranger, live outside the virtual world
For once in your life, be real